Mother Nature’s a bit frazzled; it’s hard work with Global Warming and all. She emailed me, and since I’m the only one with her portrait, she wants me to tell y’all how to “festivate” this 4th of July.
To the parents: Keep your fat butts off the ponies - let the kids ride. Don’t hire scary clowns. No fireworks close to brown grass. Stay sober and leave your neighbor’s wife/husband alone. Put your ciggs/cigars out in your beer cup, (sacrifice last swallow as a douser). Check that grandma/grandpa in wheelchair is not in the hot sun and is still breathing. Poison Ivy is not a house plant – leaves of three, let it be. Even though it’s organic, pick up dog doodle. Try and act like you have more than three functional brain cells. On the way home - keep it between the telephone poles!
To the Kids: Be kind to critters smaller than you. Don’t pee in the pool!
Haste yee back ;-)
All artwork copyright of Robert Wahl